My Slip on the Slopes

 

I was on Facebook this weekend and came across a friend’s post who recently decided to try skiing again. I have been seeing posts of people skiing all winter and every time I see these posts I wish I was a part of that community. Everyone is in their cute ski gear, they are smiling and I can tell they are having the time of their lives! I went skiing with a church youth group as a chaperone a little over ten years ago. It was my first experience trying out the slopes. I was so nervous because everything was new and I kept replaying the horror stories I have heard of people breaking their necks or dying while skiing, specifically, Sonny Bono. He hit a tree while skiing in 1998 and for whatever reason this story kept replaying in my mind. So with Sonny playing in my mind I went ahead and rented the boots that connect to the skis which I had no idea were two separate entities; then learning the process of walking in those boots is an experience all on its own. Suddenly, I had to not only learn how to ski but to also relearn how to walk in these super tight boots that do not allow for the bend of the ankle and then on top of this new way of walking I had to walk in the snow. Everyone around me seemed to have it all together so I just faked that I could do it too. There were three year olds walking in these boots better than me. We finally got settled and headed to the bunny hill. Now, when I think of a bunny I think of something cute, small and fluffy so, rationally, I believed I could handle the bunny hill. We got to the top of the bunny hill and I felt as though I was on top of Mount Kilimanjaro, this was not a bunny hill in my eyes it was a mountainous slope. Also, the snow was not soft and fluffy up there on that bunny hill it was already slick from all of the other learners who happened to be between the ages of two and five years old. These kids were flying down this bunny hill and then I come along this 23 or so year old adult who has zero control and here I was supposed to be chaperoning. The question that comes to mind is why on earth is there not a bunny hill for adults? When I began heading towards a two year old I felt terrible but there was no stopping the collision. I was gonna ram into that child full fledge. I would slam into them like I was some jerk who did not care about children. Did I mention I was the chaperone for the youth of this trip? I mean really, if a kid runs into an adult on the bunny hill the thought from the adult is, “it is ok sweet one go get em next time.” If an adult runs into a two year old on the bunny hill the thought has got to be, “pull yourself together jerk and stop running into my kid. Go and get on the real hills and stop being a wimp.” Now, I did not have anyone say these things to me but this is most definitely how I felt and what I imagined people were thinking of me. So, rather than stay on the bunny hill and learn all day as I should have done I was convinced to walk stiffly, because of the boots, to the ski lift and ride up to the top of the mountain. What had I done? Once on that lift there was no going back except for on my skis. The ski lift kept rising and rising and rising; I did not think we would ever get to the top. Then we had to gracefully remove ourselves from the ski lift which was another sight to see. Here we stood at the top of the mountain and I was terrified! The only way down was to ski down or scootch on my butt all the way down and potentially get rammed by one of those two year olds who has somehow managed to master the bunny hill and might I add looks like a pro. I have to say I was completely jealous of these kids skills and their miniature skis they get to wear as beginners because I feel as though they would be easier to manage.  I finally move past my jealousy and convince myself to start the decent and I fell so many times. People were whizzing past me and I just kept apologizing for being in the way. It was a very humbling experience. I then got up and tried again only to fall and this time tweak my back and I could not get back up. My friends and some of the church youth gathered around me and helped me up, they assisted me back to the lodge and that was it. That was my first and last skiing experience. So why on earth do I want to try again?

 Upon further examination I have come to find that my fear has been holding me back, not just from skiing but other things in life as well. I remember that gut wrenching fear that radiated through my entire body and one would think I would never want to experience that again. So what brought me to this ski memory? It was my friend’s post on Facebook who went skiing. I responded to her post by saying, “I want to learn how to ski.” She replied, “You would totally be good at it.” Ha! If only she was there for the first time. Why does she have so much confidence in my ability and I could literally laugh out loud? Then I got to thinking, my fear is what is holding me back and my fear is probably what got me injured in the first place. I was so focused on falling and getting hurt that that is exactly what happened. Plus, I did not allow myself the freedom and humility to train and learn longer with the two to five year olds on the bunny hill. I should be able to ski. I have been working out since I was in elementary school. I was a dancer from 4th-12th grade so my balance is on par and I still work out to this day and have strong legs. So why can’t I ski? I can’t ski because I did not go back after I fell. I can’t ski because I was allowing my fear to drive my decisions even though I can see that skiing is fun. Why can’t I ski? Because I was so concerned with what others were thinking of me. So, in a nutshell I cannot ski because of fear, pride and just flat out not going and trying again. 

As I thought about the skiing aspect of my life it has caused me to pause and wonder; what else am I  missing out on because I have been afraid, prideful or because I fear what others think of me? I have this weakness within me that wants to dig my heals in and resist new and sometimes old experiences and yet every single time I take my feet out of the ground and go walk into the adventure or experience I inevitably find myself having fun and making a memory. This blog, for example, is one thing I have been afraid to write. I have wondered for a few years now what it would be like to write a blog. This year I decided I am going to wonder no more and just do it and it has been a confidence builder for me. What is it that you fear? Maybe you need to go skiing next season too. Maybe you fear giving that presentation to your boss or sharing the idea that would be a game changer for the company but you fear your boss may not see the same potential so you do not share your ideas at all and miss the opportunity for growth and potentially promotion. Maybe you fear learning the new computer system that your work place is integrating and so your mind has blocked you out from being able to learn and you want to just quit; maybe it is time to stick it out and really learn the systems and prove you were made for your current position. Maybe you have always longed to be a dentist or a nutritionist or something other than what you currently are doing and you fear going back and getting more education; today is the day you decide to apply for further education. Maybe you want to start tackling all of your loans but you are so scared because money will be tight; today you decide to start making small payments and see that this does work within your budget and you begin to experience financial freedom. Watch a YouTube video of how to change the oil on your car and then go and do it, bake a cake, fly a kite, go kayak. Henry Ford has a quote If you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t you are right.  Sometimes before we tackle our big fears it helps to tackle something small. Next winter I am going to put my skis on and get back out on the slopes. I am going to throw my fears to the wind and let go but what can I do right now that scares me that is small but that I can show myself I can do it. When I had Hudson in 2016 I started drinking coffee because I needed the caffeine with a new born and twins. I have had coffee every morning now for 5 years. This week while in the shower and thinking about skiing and doing something that scares me I decided to give up coffee cold turkey. I have thought about giving it up before because I do not like needing a substance to get me going in the morning or to feel complete. I have found myself being fearful to give it up because who will I be now without it and will I even be able to function? I am on day three of no coffee and I will write about that journey in a separate post but I have been doing it and surviving and functioning. Here I am, and I can say I actually feel normal today with less bloat. Hip Hip Hooray! Here is to trying new things. My call to action for us today is to do something that we have been wanting to do but  have been held back by fear. Hold your head up high and go for it. I believe we can do more than we think we can when we let go of our fears. The worst case scenario is we fail and we try again or we just know we were not built for that thing but we now have the courage to know that we have it within us to try and try again. We will not continue to see fails but eventually we will begin to see win after win. With each win we will gain a confidence that will transfer into other areas of life, adventure, business, relationships, vacations (flying in a plane), going on a missions trip. Let me know what it is that you will try this week or let go of so that we can celebrate together. Here is to a new season of trying with fails, wins and celebrations.