The summer of my Senior year I would wake with the sunrise, sit on the already warm driveway, journal and read scripture in the Bible. I look back on that particular summer with fondness because I felt I had a close relationship with the LORD Jesus. I felt very connected to him because I had all the time to tend to my relationship with Him. Not only did I have all of the time in the day to connect to the LORD but I also had available time to cultivate my other meaningful relationships both inside and outside of the home. I grew closer to my two sisters, Lindsey and Carly. We connected that summer at church camp when we were placed in the same cabin and went from being sisters to friends. If one of my friends wanted to hang out or talk on the phone I had countless hours to pour into those important relationships as well. I spent my days with my friends and sisters laying out in the backyard while drinking a smoothie or hanging out at the West Carrollton public pool all day long or we would attend a youth group outing with our church. Thinking back on my youth I see that it really was the life! There was so much down time to just do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to do it. There was such freedom and bliss.
At 36, I have been married for eleven years with three children, twins who are seven and a son who is four soon to be five. We are currently in the middle of the COVID pandemic of 2020 and 2021 which adds its own idiosyncrasies in life. My kids are currently in a blended schedule at public schools which means they go to school on Monday and Tuesday with half of the students from their class and they are remote learning from home Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I still have the same hours in a day as when I was that carefree sun kissed teenager. I can easily look back and compare that teenage girl studying scripture in the driveway in the cool of the summer morning and the carefree days I spent at the pool to the woman I have become today. I used to not be afraid of adventures for the adventure was always found in saying, “yes” to all things fun. For better or for worse, I can compare my teen self to the woman I have become today and begin to feel bad about the way I choose to spend my time and the time I have to til the soil of all of my relationships and responsibilities. As a grown woman my time is spent teaching my kids when they are remote learning, cleaning, taking care of all of the laundry, doing the dishes, prepping meals, grocery shopping, planning the fun times for when school is out, bathing the kids and all of the things that just get placed on “the list,” as well as all of the distractions that come from having littles running around. Thank God I do not work a full time job right now as I am sure many of you who are reading this are balancing all of the things I just listed, plus a full time job and balancing sports and extra curricular activities on top of all of the things. Some of you are doing this as a single parent. Needless to say our time is divided. Then on top of all the “to do’s,” there is tending to my marriage to Michael and then cultivating further my friendships that are outside of the home.
At times I feel scattered, divided and I get the feeling that I have nothing left to give at the end of the week, the end of the day and sadly sometimes at the end of the hour. Rather than feeling like I am living in abundance I get the feeling as though I have pennies of time that are scattered all over the place. What used to be investing the big bucks in my relationship with the LORD, others and myself, I find myself scattering pennies and feeling drained, empty, shamed, experiencing the feeling of guilt and just not good enough. A few weeks ago I was catching up through FaceTime with my sister Lindsey and hearing how she felt this same scattered divided feeling too and as we spoke the Holy Spirit reminded me of the widow in the Bible who gave the last of all of her money. I think we have much to gain from her courage to continue to give when by all appearances she looked as though she had nothing left to give. My hope is that after we read this passage together it will instill the same courage within us to keep giving as the widow had even if what we have is just pennies here and there.
Mark 12:41-44 (NRSV)
He (Jesus) sat down opposite the treasury, and watched the crowd putting money into the treasury. Many rich people put in large sums. A poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which are worth a penny. Then he called his disciples and said to them, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the treasury. For all of them have contributed out of their abundance; but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.”
This widow gave what she could by giving everything that she had. By all appearances, she did not give enough and she most definitely did not give more than those who were giving in abundance but in matters of the heart she was the one who gave in abundance because she gave everything that she had. She gave out of abundance because she knew that though this looked like the last of her money she trusted her Provider. Thank goodness Jesus was there and could see her heart and not just her monetary value. The widow could have looked at what she had and stopped giving by telling herself a different story. She could have said that what she had to give was not enough especially in comparison to the others who gave. She could have had thoughts such as, “This is barely anything. Why give at all? I am done giving. People should be giving to me. I lost my husband and I deserve to keep this little bit because that would be the least God could do for me. I deserve to keep this money after the hard times I have been through.” She could have thought, “He (God) would not hold this minor incidence of holding onto my money for myself over my head because He understands that I have needs and He wants me to live. I have nothing left to give. I need money for food and shelter...,” and quite honestly her list of thoughts could have gone on and on with excuses. Maybe these thoughts and this list of excuses resonates with you and you have had these thoughts echoed in your own mind or maybe they are so engrained within you that you have begun to speak them out loud. Some encouragement that can be found in this passage is in the fact that the widow could have chosen to keep her coins, to protect herself, to choose bitterness and anger but she chose the path of trusting God with the little she had because she knew and remembered that when she chose to give, her needs would be met because she trusted her everything to God the Creator and Sustainer of all things. She chose to remember truth in the midst of potentially speaking her excuses. She could have chosen to believe she had nothing left to give which was a lie. The truth was she did have something even if it was pennies; and she served a God who can bring much even out of a little. So she potentially swept away the lies and clung to truth. She chose courage in a place where fear would have been welcomed, and quite frankly, where fear would be understood by others. I am confidant it took all of her strength to place her hand in her purse, to feel the cold coins between her fingers and then to choose to pull out her last existing coins and place them in the treasury where maybe she could not even here a clank because the treasury may have been already full. I have forever thought of the widow as an older woman who was weak and feeble but now as I study this passage I think she was steady, confident and strong, not shaky, feeble and fearful. What would our lives look like if we too lived as steady, confident and strong, not shaky, feeble and fearful?
I am in a season where my pennies are divided in many different directions. I could evaluate my time and believe I don’t have enough of it to give to the LORD. I could give the excuse that I am too tired to hold my child and be patient and loving in the middle of the night because they had a bad dream or because they just need to be held. I could give the excuse that I am too tired to make love to my husband after the long day of “to do lists” and caring for other’s needs and in doing that I do not have anything left to give to him. Maybe you too like the widow, only have pennies left financially, physically, mentally or relationally. You can choose to only fend for yourself and hoard what you need to survive or you can take the little you have, your pennies, and choose to still give. Jesus sees that the pennies of time you give may be all you have left but if you choose to still give, if you choose to keep going, I believe you will see an increase in your life because you chose to continue. In fact, He sees you are trying. Though those you do life with may think that you are giving next to nothing He sees that you, like the widow are actually giving everything.
My challenge to myself and to you is to keep in the habit of giving even when it feels like all you have left is pennies. When I first wrote this blog I was going to title it Scattering Pennies. Then I woke up in the middle of the night and realized that the widow did not scatter her pennies and just throw them anywhere but she placed her pennies in the treasury. She intentionally thought about where she was going to place the few coins she had left. When we scatter the little we have left that is when damage is done in our relationships but when we choose to place our pennies into the treasury that is when we will see life change and relationship change with the LORD and with others. When we place our pennies intentionally we begin to experience love that is selfless. Do not give up on this habit of digging in and fighting for the people and the things that matter most to you. Your pennies will one day again become fruitful and you who chose to keep giving in your relationships and who never got out of the habit of taking courage to reach your hand into your purse will then still be in the habit of reaching in and placing what you have into the treasury when you are living in abundance. Being intentional with what you have will make you stronger, more invested and more trusting of the LORD. It is worth the time and the effort and you will see the fruits of your labor. The LORD, your spouse, your family, your friends and co-workers will see the fruits of your labor as well. My encouragement was found to keep placing pennies because it is not for nothing it is actually for everything and when I feel no one sees me and how hard it is to keep going I remember Jesus sat opposite of the treasury. He sees me, and not just surface me but he sees straight to my heart and He sees straight into your heart as well. He wants our hearts, our love and adoration even when our abundance is in pennies. Go forth and place your pennies today into the treasury.
Comments
Post a Comment