Would You Have Hit the Bunny?

 

“Good morning kids! It is time to rise, shine and start a new day!” Every school day at 6:20 in the morning I greet my kids with some type of sing songy chant in hopes that they will wake up on the right side of the bed. After all of the hustle and bustle of getting ready for the day we gather together as a family, pray and then head out the door by 7 am. I drive our kids to school most mornings and on this particular day as we drove to school I turned the corner into the school drop off line where another parent quickly filed in behind me. All of a sudden, out of nowhere a bunny hopped across the road and stopped right dab in the middle. Instantly, my nerves started bouncing inside of me and I grew 1,000 degrees warmer.
I did not want to hit the bunny but I also did not want to make the parent behind me angry. I refused to look in my rearview mirror in fear that I may see a fellow parent being inconvenienced, throwing their hands in the air and yelling profanities my direction. So instead of looking to see their reaction I kept my eyes glued to the bunny willing it to move with the “powers of my mind.” My powers must not have been awakened yet because the bunny was not moving. 
 
You may be wondering why I was so concerned with the thoughts of whomever was now stopped  behind me; I too was wondering this and took some time to ponder why I cared so much about what this stranger thought about me. Upon thinking I came to grips with the fact that I am a long time people pleaser and to prove this I am going to tell you a side story. 
 
Before I married Michael we went to premarital wedding counseling. In one of our counseling sessions I began to cry talking through my past. As I cried the counselor asked me why I felt like I had to smile, and yet,  I did not even realize that I was smiling while tears fell freely. The counselor lead me to realize that when I was growing up, I was the oldest of four and a preacher’s daughter. I understood at a young age that my younger siblings were looking to me to be the example. I heard this in society growing up repeatedly that I should be good and well behaved because my siblings look up to me; I am the example. 
 
Then growing up as a preacher’s daughter I can tell you from experience that going to church every Sunday people were looking and watching our family and how we did life. Again, I believed that I had to be good because people were looking to us to be the example. I often felt like I had to be perfect and joyful. I knew that it was ok to have broken parts in my life but I also felt as though I still had to display happiness and get over situations quickly because I had Jesus, because I was the oldest and because I was a preacher’s daughter. I am not writing this to speak poorly of my Dad’s career choice to be a pastor or to speak poorly of being the oldest because there were many good things that came from being the oldest and a preacher’s daughter, I would not change this about my past; however, in counseling you do not typically focus on the great things that have occurred in life but focus on the broken pieces to learn how to move forward and in this case learn how to move forward in marriage.  
 
 I had the belief that it was important to portray to those around me that I had it all together and that even though I had tears and brokenness I still had happiness and joy within me as well. Deep down, I believed that happiness made others happy so, therefore, I must maintain the smile even while  breaking. Through further analysis I realized that I pasted a smile on my face to please others so that I could maintain connection and maintain being a good example all while not being true to what was really happening within my being. One of my main objectives in life is to build connection with others and I believed that my best way of doing so was through pleasing others.  I now know I do not want to lose connection with someone because they may view me as unpleasant because of my unhappiness but in reality when I people please to the point where I have to mask against what is truly going on inside of me I am actually building a wall and not allowing for the true connection that I am hoping for. The act of people pleasing actually does the opposite of what I am setting out to do which is to build connection and to maintain love.  
 
So here we are, in the school pickup line when the bunny ran in front of my car and I was sweaty and nervous. I SLAM ON MY BRAKES!  I could not tell if the person behind me could even see why I had stopped. Were they mad at me for stopping? Were they running late for work because I had stopped to save a bunny? The bunny of course stopped in a place where I could not just go around it. All I could hear from the back seat were my twin daughters half screaming half crying at me NOT to hit the bunny. I also heard my own voice FIGHTING within, “Do not hit the bunny. But what about the feelings of the person behind me? Come on bunny move!” There was so much NOISE.  
 
 There was chaos in the car and mass chaos going on inside of me. Do I make the person behind me happy, keep moving and more than likely HIT and KILL this adorable little bunny or do I wait for the bunny to move, stop telling myself these ridiculous stories and potentially make the person behind me mad? I decided to wait for the bunny to move. I was not gonna take a life, to somehow connect with a person whom I did not even know. Instead, I chose to connect with my daughters and to connect with myself in that moment, people who I do know, love and care about. Maybe today I shed just another layer of my need to people please and am one step closer to true connection with the people who matter the most. 
 
So now the question remains are you a people pleaser and would you have hit the bunny? Remember, if you too find yourself continually in the arena of needing to please others, our need to please has a deeper rooted meaning and is worth exploring. True connection comes when we are being ourselves whether we have a smile on our face or tears running down our cheeks.  If it is time for us to let out an ugly cry without a smile pasted on our faces then let it out. If we  choose to continue to people please we will have false connection and false love but if we will be who we truly are that is when real connection and love can be found.