Beauty to Behold

 The trees are in full bloom this spring season. Our colorless winter has now passed and blossomed into beautiful arrays of reds, yellows, purples, pinks and whites. The trees that have always stood out to me are the Callery Pear Trees with their pretty white flowers that are gorgeous to look at but in contrast they smell like rotten fish. This is a deceiving tree because I desperately want to believe that they are not the culprit for the terrible smell, surely, there must be a dumpster nearby or something that is not so splendid to look at causing me to plug my nose to the point of gasping for air. When I walked outside and drove the streets with my windows down I was reminded how as women we too can be like this tree. We spend our time and money trying to be beautiful on the outside by making sure our hair looks shiny, full and lush; we check and recheck our makeup in the mirror to be certain it is just right; we desire for our clothes to be fashionable; we use teeth whitening strips and alignment tools to be sure our teeth are white and straight and we desire for our skin to be clear with not a blemish or wrinkle to be found. We treasure our lotions and perfumes, workout programs and gyms, we join programs and drink shakes to assist in weight loss and healthy eating with the intention to be ready for swimsuit season. All of these routines, supplements, vitamins and beauty enhancers are fine but when we are only focusing on our outside appearance and not focusing on the matters of our hearts we can easily become like these Callery Pear trees, beautiful on the outside and yet we wreak to those we do life with. And if we refuse to look at the matters of our hearts then even if you are in line to be the next Miss America all the beauty prep in the world is all for not. 

 

I am begrudgingly going to be candid and vulnerable by sharing this story. I am not always proud of the way I conduct myself and in this story I can 100% say I am not proud but fully embarrassed and definitely a Callery Pear Tree in this scenario. One would think I would be past acting like a 13 year old who is dealing with fresh insecurities because I am a 36 year old. I will remind myself and my audience that God is still redeeming me in these areas of insecurity and poor self-talk. I am continually a work in progress. I recently traveled to my hometown in Ohio for a wedding. Michael and I had a wonderful evening. The wedding was rejuvenating because we were invited to be around a large group of family and friends celebrating. By the time we arrived at the outdoor reception it felt like pre-COVID days where friends and family were talking, eating and dancing. Michael was there and he made me to feel gorgeous and cherished by opening the door for me, telling me that I was beautiful, speaking kindly of me when we were with his family and this was not just because of the special occasion but he treats me this way often. I did not want this evening to end, but like all things, it too, had to end . . . AND THEN CAME SUNDAY. How is it possible to go from feeling beautiful and cherished to the very next day waking up full of insecurities about my appearance, my size, my clothes and my hair? (Literally ALL of the THINGS!!!)  It was before 8 am and already I was speaking horrible things to myself while looking at my reflection in the mirror as I got ready to go to church of all places. One would think that I could at least be kind to myself on a Sunday when I was going to church. On top of all of my put downs and insecurities I then realized I also forgot my new and now favorite sunglasses at the wedding which sealed the deal for a not so great attitude. At least if I had my sunglasses I could cover up my eye makeup but now I did not even have those. My insecurities were bubbling full force and there was not a thing I could think to do to mask the war that was waging within. 

Despite how I was feeling on my insides Michael was being incredibly kind to me. Not yet picking up on my vibes he went and ordered me a chai tea from Tim Hortons and I had a pit in my stomach. Have you ever felt this unsettled feeling? It is an attack from the devil himself when he wreaks havoc on our insides so that he does not have to do the dirty work when it comes to our relationships but we do it for him because we believe the lies. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, the birds were singing in the background and the kids were laughing and playing well together. Michael, only knowing I was upset about my sunglasses offered to let me wear his. Then I opened my mouth to speak and it may as well have opened up the clouds and began to rain. Because I had already been speaking horrible things to myself when he handed me his only pair of sunglasses my response was not “thank you,” as it should have been but, “now I look like a man.” Oops. There it was I said something I had been thinking out loud and it was not well received. The kids stopped playing and it felt to me like all the world had stopped. I knew that I was guilty. I knew that I was being something I was not called to be. I knew I was swimming in an ocean of insecurity and needed the rescue line. My kids were there and heard Mommy speak untruth and they saw my body language and asked what was wrong with me. I had my guard up and could not allow for anyone to be kind to me because I was not in a place to receive it. My spirit was now leaking out on my family and literally raining on their sunshine parade. I realized I had spent so much time believing I was not good enough, pretty enough, thin enough or feminine enough that the very ugly I was wanting to shield against then came out in my words and actions to those I love the most. In turn, I tried so hard to not be the “ugly person” I was seeing in the mirror that I actually was becoming that person in my attitude which whether we want to acknowledge it or not leaks out in our physical appearance as well. Have you ever met an average looking woman who has a heart of gold and sunshine in her attitude and all of a sudden she goes from average to beautiful? The same can be true of a woman who is beautiful on the outside but sour and bitter in her attitude; she then becomes downright miserable and hard to look at and be around.  

The point of the matter is this, when we try to gain self-worth based on our outside appearance and we do not take care of our soul we can become like this tree, beautiful to look at from a VERY far distance but horrible to be around. Ladies, we must remember to care more for our heart then we do for our outward appearance and to put the lies to bed by speaking the truth of who we are out loud. A choice is to be made, will we start throwing silent but deadly grenades at ourselves in the mirror or instead speak our truths out loud? We may feel strange speaking these truths out loud but think of the positive impact this could have on our kids and those around us compared to the visual of silently pinching ourselves in the mirror and grimacing at our image. Instead, those around us could hear us speaking kindly of ourselves. More important than this practice is to spend time in scripture and with the LORD Jesus and receive his truths for our lives, purpose and beauty, and remember that the Lord looks at the heart. He looks, sees and loves your heart. 

When I look at myself in the mirror and the horrible thoughts that get spewed like rapid fire begin to grenade launch into my heart and seed themselves there I need to remember God’s truths that we are fearfully and wonderfully made and that we are to love others and that means we must even love and be kind to ourselves. My challenge to myself and to all of us is to focus on beauty from the inside and in turn good will pour out and beauty will be held outwardly as well. We will become timeless, beautiful, nurturing, comfortable to be around, kind and loving when we begin to hand our lives over to Jesus so he can silence the war within. It is time to spend less time on our outward appearance and more time on the invisible character traits that extend beyond physical appearance to true beauty, beauty as it was designed to be, not just a reflection.