Pick Up Your Bags and Walk

As a woman I have grown accustom to picking up my bags and walking. My husband has so lovingly renamed me, “The Bag Lady.” Picking up my bags and walking began as a child because I was the oldest of four children and with that came certain responsibilities such as caring for my younger siblings; someone needed to boss the younger ones around.  They still recall stories of my “bossiness” but I only recall being the loving older sister. 

My Dad was a Pastor and my Mom was a full-time Microbiologist, she also volunteered as worship leader and small group leader at the church. She was a busy woman. I graduated from Anderson University with a B.A. in Business Management and I just figured I would follow along in her footsteps. I wanted four children and I intended to work full-time while raising my little ones. I even married a Pastor. 

I was walking to my car after a typical day of working as a Human Resource Generalist and God stopped me in my tracks when he whispered to my spirit that I would be a Stay-at-Home Mom. I remember literally stopping and looking down at my keys in shock. How could this be? Being a Stay-At-Home Mom was never on my radar and besides I was not even pregnant.

A little time passed and as I got ready for work one day I decided to take a pregnancy test, there it was the line saying that I was pregnant. I remember the shock and disbelief I felt as I stared down at that line on the test. It was early morning and the sun was not up but like many times before I woke Michael up anyways to share the news that we would have a baby. We briefly celebrated and continued on with our day. 

At 11 weeks I went in for a routine OB appointment where my doctor would listen to the baby’s heartbeat but he said, “hmmm….it is really noisy in there. I am going to send you in for an ultrasound to make sure that everything is going alright.” Hmmmm? This is never what a woman wants to hear in regards to listening for a heartbeat. This was my first pregnancy so I was walking on pins and needles as I crossed to the room across the hallway and as I crossed I was believing they would tell us we would lose our baby. 

I laid on the table as the Sonographer put the warm jelly on my already expanding belly. She too said, “Hmmmm….” Why does everyone keep saying hmmmm???? She went on to say, “ I think you have two babies in their….yup there are two!!!” She turned the screen and Michael and I just stared in shock and disbelief. Two babies?!?!?! How on earth would we be able to carry such a load? God’s whisper began to make sense, “You will be a Stay-At-Home Mom.” And a Stay-At-Home Mom is what I needed and wanted to be with identical twins on the way. 

I had a rough pregnancy with Ellie and Ryleigh. At 25 weeks I was put on bed rest. I was given Magnesium Sulfate twice to delay delivery. That drug is literally like experiencing Hell from inside of the body. I was so hot on the inside but I was not allowed to drink water because the doctors wanted me to be prepared for an emergency c-section. I was miserable but was willing to do anything to keep my babies alive. 

At 31 weeks and 2 days the girls were delivered by emergency c-section. They lived in the NICU for 6 weeks and Michael and I lived in the Ronald McDonald House. In the midst of the chaos God spoke to Michael that it was time for a move; a move to another state type of move. When the girls came home from the NICU we packed up all of our things and moved from Shelby, OH to West Virginia. 

Here I am writing to you today 8 years later. I cannot believe how fast these 8 years have gone. My kids are now all in school during the day. What once was a noisy and busy home has become very quiet during the day. This quietness has allowed God to put a  stirring in my spirit. I have begun to ask him what he has next for me. 

While sitting at church a few months ago I felt God speak to me again and say, “Erin, I want you to pick up your bags and walk.” I replied, “What does that even mean? Where am I going?” He thankfully replied, “It is not about the final destination. I want you to be faithful in picking up your bags daily. Your bags being your skills, abilities and giftings that I have given you  and walk with them daily. As you remain faithful and pick up your things I will open up doors for you to walk through.” 

Through meeting with some friends I realized that God was asking me to speak, write and be ordained. I met with Michael for lunch and told him these three things I knew. The problem is I have been home for 8 years. I have been speaking and writing but it has been at a foundational level; I am talking abc’s and 123’s. There is some development that needs to take place. Michael said that we could find me a coach. If you know any great coaches out there for speaking and writing let me know because I am researching for the right one.  I told him I thought a coach was a great idea but I also felt the nudging to be on the speaking team at church again. 

When I came home from lunch my phone rang. The associate pastor was calling to tell me that God put me on her heart and they needed a speaker for the next week at Catalyst, like 7 days from that moment.  She told me to pray about it. I asked her, “Were you at Jimmy Johns today at a booth behind Michael and I listening in on our conversation?” I told her that  I had just come home from lunch with Michael and told him I thought I was supposed to be on the speaking team at church again. I knew I did  not need to pray about it because I had already been praying and it would be foolish of me to say no based off of how God had already been moving in my spirit.  I was totally blown away. 

So I spoke at Catalyst and a few weeks later I was given the opportunity to speak at another church. I do not know my final destination. The thing is, none of us really knows what tomorrow holds but God asks us to be faithful. He wants us to pick up our bags, the gifts, abilities and skills he has given us and to walk. As we walk daily God will open doors for us to walk through and we will even witness some closed doors. However, I do know this to be true that as we walk in faithfulness we will witness miracles and see him move in ways we could never have thought or imagined for ourselves. I am choosing today to walk in faithfulness and on the days I mess up and take a misstep he will offer redemption and help me to get back on track. Our God is faithful.