Walk in the Meadows of Joy and Freedom

School Pride Day was quickly approaching so I drove to Michael’s to buy kelly green t-shirts for my children. While at Michael’s I decided to kill two birds with one stone and check to see if they had round black table cloths for a Women’s Vision Night happening that evening that I was helping lead. I called my friend and team leader to ask if we still needed the table cloths, which we did, but they were all out of stock. She told me I should check out a local store downtown. 

Per usual, I dug my heals in with stubbornness and resistance because I do not like going to unfamiliar places. I kindly said, “ok” to my friend knowing full-well I would go to Hobby Lobby instead knowing they have a few rows of party supplies but…NO LUCK! They were all out of stock at Hobby Lobby as well. 

Now I was stuck. I had to go to the store that my friend suggested I visit in the first place. As I begrudgingly walked in I quickly found this was a divine appointment. The lady helping me was the daughter of my neighbor. My neighbor, who actually lives on the street behind us, is a kind older man who walks past my house almost every day. I would see him walk by and I felt God telling me I needed to know him; so, one day, as he walked by I opened the screen door and yelled, “Hello! I see you walk by everyday and I feel like I should know you. We are the Coker’s.” 

This was the start of our relationship. I have met him but never met his wife, his wife is the one who mainly cares for the store. I already knew our neighbor owned this store because of my conversations with her husband, but it was still an unfamiliar place which is why I never wanted to go. As I was buying my black table cloth there she sat, my neighbor/owner of the store. 

The owner, the owner’s daughter and I spoke about how I knew her husband and how my kids love him. She said, “Well, I will tell him I met you but I wish I could see you. I have Macular-degeneration and I have lost my ability to see. Please pray for me.” Right then, I knew in my heart I could not leave her store without praying with her in that moment. I walked over to her and asked her, “Can I pray with you now?” 

She responded, “Of course!”

She reached out her hand but because of COVID I still asked her if I could touch her and she said, “yes.” I prayed a prayer of healing over her eyes. We were strangers and yet we were bound together as sisters because of Jesus.

While driving home and now understanding why I was meant to go to that store I asked myself, “why do I continuously dig my heels in and resist change?” I know Jesus desires for me to walk barefoot through the soft grassy meadows of joy and freedom. Instead, I so often choose my uncomfortable high heel shoes and resist moving forward all the while expecting Jesus to drag me along like a relentless toddler pushing and straining against my loving Father’s hand and because of my resistance I turn up exhausted and dirty.

As I wrestled with this question of “why am I so stubborn;” I came home and opened my Bible to the passage 1 Samuel 15 to find King Saul being stubborn and disobedient as well. God gave him a direction and as King he did not want to open his hands and relinquish control but instead wanted to rein in his control and do things his own way. 

I learned through King Saul’s story in verse 23 that:

“For rebellion is no less sin than divination, and stubbornness is like iniquity and idolatry.”

My resistance to experience change, to dig my heels in and be drug around as if I am a disobedient toddler is me choosing to live life in my sinful nature and choosing to not listen or obey my loving Father. As I read I realized that Jesus desires to hold my hand after I have chosen to reach out and place my hand into His. He is not a God who forces me into His hands while I push and pull in resistance and constraint. He desires for me to relinquish control over my life and walk with Him hand in hand and thus experience true freedom. 

Saul later says in verse 25:

“Now therefore I pray, pardon my sin, and return with me, so that I may worship the LORD.”

Saul, prays this prayer but time and time again he digs his heels in and takes rein of control and therefore, loses what he desires most, his status as King.

Often, we try so hard to stay in control and be the queens over our own lives and because of this we ultimately lose the very thing we so desperately are grasping to hold onto. May we choose to be women who can release the reins to Jesus, place our hands into His and walk in the meadows of joy and freedom.